Four Years Ago

I say four years ago, but really, it started before that...

In 2015, the year I turned 40, I went through something.  Some not-quite-midlife crisis.  I went on a big trip to Florida with my three closest friends, I got a tattoo in the middle of my back, and I decided to try my hand at martial arts.  

My boys had been in martial arts for a few years, and the instructors had been trying to get me into the class.  I had adamantly refused up until then.  I thought there was no way that I could ever do something like that.  A mother of three, miserably out of shape and with zero confidence?  No way.  But once my youngest started, I'd run out of excuses, and they were putting on the pressure, so I finally decided, "What the hell?  Why not?  What's the worst that could happen?"

So I became a white belt.  And boy, was I out of shape!  It took me a good six months to stop huffing and puffing my way through class, and for my muscles to stop objecting to the punishment.  But then I began to really embrace it, and really enjoy it!  And I wasn't too shabby at it, either.  I'm naturally very muscular.  I began losing excess weight pretty quickly and feeling stronger.  My posture improved, my coordination, flexibility and balance improved, my confidence improved, and I quickly fell in love with taekwondo.  After some time, my instructors urged me to try my hand at competing, and once again, I thought, "What the hell, why not?"  

I won.  I won a lot.  And I kept winning.  And it felt fantastic.  I'd been at it for a few years when I became a black belt.  That black belt test was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, and I came out of it so proud of myself!  My instructor suggested that I may want to begin competing seriously, in the champions division rather than the novice division.  My boys were going to compete as well, so I figured I'd give it a try.  

My competition season began in August of 2018.  I started competing in September and went to every tournament that I could easily drive to.  I was trying not to spend too much money on it, but since the boys were competing seriously as well, it made it easier for me to just ride their coat tails.  I wasn't sure how well I'd do, going into it.  But as the season progressed, I continued to win, and was soon ranked in the Worlds Top Ten.  It was difficult for me to wrap my head around, because I'd never considered myself an athlete before.  Yet here I was, on the world stage, in an extremely athletic sport.

In August of 2019, the competition season ended with the Tournament of Champions in Little Rock, Arkansas.  This was some serious competition, some intimidating competition from multiple countries, and I had nearly thirty women in my ring.  

But first, let's back up a bit...  

When you start martial arts at age 40, with a body that had previously only known sofas and Netflix, understand that injuries will inevitably happen.  And boy, did they! My right ankle had griped at me from day one, and I knew it wasn't right.  But I just wore a brace or taped it, and went on.  About halfway through training for Worlds, however, I developed really bad plantar fasciitis in both feet.  Over the next six months, I tried all the conservative methods - anti-inflammatories, stretching, ice, rest, orthotics - everything.  But nothing was helping.  So needless to say, at World Championships, I was pretty sore.  Barefoot on a flexible mat certainly didn't help.  

I gritted my teeth and got through my competition, earning 2nd place in sparring, by one point.  I was so close to a World title!  But I left there just thrilled with my performance and my achievement.  And in a whole lot of pain.

Worlds was in early August.  Then, in early October, I tested for and earned my 2nd degree black belt.  But I was seriously struggling with my feet.  I could barely walk when getting out of bed in the morning, and I was in tears by time I went to bed at night.  I finally decided to take a break from taekwondo for a while and see if anything improved.  But even off the mat, my feet just wouldn't get any better.  

I'd seen my doctor, a foot and ankle specialist, several times throughout this period.  He and I finally sat down and discussed options.  We determined that we'd just go ahead with a bilateral plantar fascia release, where he would go in surgically and cut the plantar fascia to release the pressure on it.  He promised I'd be back to normal and back on the mat in four weeks.

Only I wasn't.  

We soon determined that when he released the fascia in my left foot, he also inadvertently completely severed the medial plantar nerve.  My foot was totally dead from the incision forward - the arch, the ball of my foot and all of my toes - completely numb.  In that instant, my life was forever changed.

I went in four days after the fascia release with a plastic surgeon who specializes in nerve injuries, and he performed a nerve repair with Allograft.  Basically he reconnected the two cut ends of the nerve using a biological cylinder through which it could grow and reconnect.  The pain was incredible.  I would experience sudden unbelievable, shocking pain in the nerve, in the part of my foot that had no sensation.  Like lightning bolts through my foot.  It was bizarre.  I can only assume it's similar to phantom nerve pain that amputees experience.  I cannot express in words how painful it was.  And it lasted for months.  

Immediately following the nerve repair, I had to be completely non-weight bearing for eight weeks.  So I was getting around on a knee scooter.  But I was pedaling the scooter with my right foot which had just had a plantar fascia release itself.  So that had trouble healing in the way it should have.  The incision for my nerve repair got infected twice in the first few weeks, I fell on my face coming up the garage steps with crutches, I slipped in the shower twice and almost broke my neck.  It was just a time of tremendous stress and crushing depression.  

I was on a knee scooter for Christmas, for New Years and all the way into mid-February.  The physical therapy started as soon as my sutures were out.  It was, I believe, the second most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life.  Courtney, my PT, was incredible and completely masochistic at the same time.  I literally had to relearn how to walk.  It was physically difficult, but mentally devastating.  Here I was, a world class athlete, reduced to a middle-aged woman learning how to walk properly.  But within a few weeks, I was back on my feet and getting around without scooters or crutches.  I knew it would be a long time before I could even think of martial arts again.  But at least I could get out in the world and see people.

And then COVID hit...